guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
