That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
