Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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