ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize