New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
