I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
