I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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