either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The adults are the big ones right?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize