i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
