So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize