So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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