Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
