You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
