I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize