On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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