do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize