Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
