I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
