If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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