Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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