he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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