So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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