Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't turn off my feet"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
