so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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