so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i drank out of a bidet.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
