yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
