Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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