I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
