Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
