saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
