I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
only you would photoshop your dick
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
