So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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