I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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