Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This baby is an asshole
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
