I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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