this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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