I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize