I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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