i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
