Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
