Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
