it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
