I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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