12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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