Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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