My first STD was from a foam party
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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