Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize