You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
