I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
