I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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