Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize