Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
