sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We left the knife in your bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
