It's like a parade of train wrecks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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