Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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