hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
