I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
