Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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