This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
