I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
