Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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