oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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