There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize