id be glad to
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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