He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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