Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
