Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mom said you looked used
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
