I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
