um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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