How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
