dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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