i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
